Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
