I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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