Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
