Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
