Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
