im drinking this country out of the recession.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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