I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
