me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
