i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
