Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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