Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
