I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
