thus making me awesome and them whores
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Randomize
