I intend to get homeless drunk
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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