What did we do last night that was yellow?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
