Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
