the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
