yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We got so high we made milksteak
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
