I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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