overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize