if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
