I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
