i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize