Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
