I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize