I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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