Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
