Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
