The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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