I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
