It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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