Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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