He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
