you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
