Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
