i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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