After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize