I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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