He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
