his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Randomize
