Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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