i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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