in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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