There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i wish my penis had a tongue
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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