it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize