i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
