they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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