Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
