I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
