I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
