the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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