he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
