out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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