That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
