How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize