dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I forget how to act sober
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
