I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
