before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
