You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
should my penis look like a turkey
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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