My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
