sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This baby is an asshole
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
