They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
