it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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