I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
