We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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