kristin has been a bad kristin
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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