The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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