I skipped work to stalk him.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
