I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
