all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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