Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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