I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
