Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
