Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
