the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
