3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why didn't you poke me back
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
