your parents love me but you hate me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize