go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
