I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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