i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
