his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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